Don't Forget the Dancing
I think most of you reading this will understand that, for trans and non-binary people, the world feels increasingly hostile at the moment. That background hum of prejudice that has been there for generations is pretty loud these days. It’s in each law that is passed, each headline published, and in the endless debates about whether trans people should be allowed to exist in public, in healthcare systems, in schools and in sports.
In the US, gender affirming care - especially for trans youth - is being stripped away state-by-state, alongside an increasingly aggressive effort to restrict trans people’s participation in nearly every part of public life. In the UK, the Supreme Court has ruled that gender must now be recognised solely by sex assigned at birth under equalities law - a decision that will have a far-reaching impact on the protections that trans people have fought so hard to gain. In Canada, where I live, multiple provinces have introduced legislation that directly targets trans lives - with trans youth, once again, caught in the centre of political crossfire. And around the world, the media continues to dissect trans lives with a clinical coldness.
Trans women are scrutinized under a microscope continuously, while the needs of trans men and non-binary people are often entirely invisible. The cumulative effect of it all is a kind of spiralling - a relentless churning of headlines, policies and public debate that never seem to stop. And the impact reaches further than many realize: when trans people are targeted, it creates a culture of fear and suspicion that also puts everyone at risk - especially those who don’t conform to narrow expectations of gender. Through it all, there is this sense of being held in place by something enormous and unreachable. Yet - especially in these moments - we need each other, now more than ever.
If you’re an ally, you might be wondering what to do, how to help or in what ways to show up - you might be afraid of doing it wrong or feeling helpless. And to that I want to say: please don’t give up. Please don’t retreat into silence because you’re afraid of making a mistake or making things worse, because we need you. Not in a performative way or to burn yourself out, but to stand with us consistently and to believe, even when it feels difficult, that a future is out there for all of us.
There are practical things you can do, of course - writing to your MP or representative, donating to trans-led organizations and speaking up when it matters - you can find more about that here. But there is one really crucial thing that I want to encourage you to do.
Celebrate trans joy.
I know that might sound simplistic in the face of everything that we’re up against, but joy is not frivolous or naive. It’s completely essential. There’s a quote that I think about quite often that comes from the AIDS crisis - a time when queer people, particularly gay men, were facing a level of loss and discrimination that is still staggering to comprehend: “Bury your friends in the morning, protest in the afternoon and dance all night” - the dancing was was vital, not an indulgence. The grief was palpable, the fight was imperative, but the dancing - the joy - was what made survival possible.
Transness has never been only about pain. There is pain and grief, of course. But that is not and never has been the whole story. There is a fierce tenderness and a deep, intentional kind of care that comes with community. There are chosen families, inside jokes, long hugs and obnoxiously loud laughs with your mouth full of the food you cooked together. There are picnics in the park and movie nights and trying new hobbies even if you’re all terrible at it. There are electric nights and the quiet, vulnerable softness in being seen - really seen - by people who love you. This is all part of the joy of being trans that far surpasses anything negative that can be directed at us. Joy is not a distraction from the fight, it’s what sustains it.
So yes - please keep writing emails and donating and standing with us - we need you. Just don’t forget the dancing.
If you’d like to stay connected and keep learning how to show up for trans and non-binary people, we share free resources, reflections, and ideas for action each month. You can join the newsletter here - we’d love to have you with us.