Everyone Deserves Gender Joy

One of the most vivid experiences I’ve ever had of gender joy was hearing someone use the correct pronouns for me for the first time. I felt like every cell in my body had been struck by lightning, like I was finally being seen for the very first time. It was super vulnerable and super exciting all at once, and when I described this feeling to the trans people in my life, they knew exactly what I meant.

That moment has a name: gender euphoria. It’s the spark of delight we feel when our gender is seen, expressed or affirmed in ways that feel deeply right to us. This powerful joy about our gender is something that trans people are very familiar with. In fact, a study found that 73% of trans people report experiencing gender joy at some point in their lives. In contrast, only 15% of cisgender people have experienced this sense of gender joy, likely because for cisgender people, gender often “just is” - it’s so neutral and accepted that it goes relatively unnoticed. 

For trans people, those moments of gender joy may stand out more vividly because many trans people go through significant struggles to feel at home in their gender; the contrast can make joy especially profound for trans people, but challenges around gender are certainly not unique to us. Society has very rigid rules around how all of us should experience our gender. Everything from the clothes we wear, to the hobbies we enjoy and the way we express ourselves is dictated by gendered expectations, leaving so many people, both cisgender and transgender, stifled by the pressure to conform. 

We have made significant progress in loosening those restrictions, but there is still a long way to go and so much of the conversation around gender still centres these challenges. Of course, it’s incredibly important to talk about these issues, but there is so much more to gender than the difficulty. When we only focus on what’s hard, we can forget that gender can also bring delight, connection and freedom too. Joy doesn’t erase the struggles, but it can help us move through them. In fact, as trans people prove, the depth of joy often feels sharper because of what we’ve had to navigate to get there.

So what does gender joy actually look like? For some, it’s a small everyday moment - catching a reflection that feels just right, expressing yourself through clothes, hair, style or even an activity in a way that feels true to who you are. For others, it comes in bigger milestones like graduating from university, becoming a parent or making a choice that defies the expectations of your gender and discovering the excitement in that freedom. Gender joy is ultimately unique to each of us. Sometimes it aligns with society’s expectations, and sometimes it doesn’t at all. What matters most is how it feels to you.

Gender is something we all live with, and joy is something we can all share. Joy is powerful - it grounds us, strengthens us and connects us to others. Joy opens up new possibilities for ourselves and for the people around us. Everyone deserves more than the absence of struggle; we deserve to thrive. And thriving often begins with delighting in the joy of who we are.

Everyone deserves to feel gender joy, so on October 15th, we’re hosting a free webinar all about exploring it. People of all gender identities are welcome, whether you want to connect more deeply with your own gender, or with ways to support inclusive spaces in your community or workplace. This pilot session is a chance to experience what joy feels like in the context of gender, and why it’s something everyone deserves to feel more fully. Save your spot here!